We all desire that H'shem inscribe us in the Book of Life, granting health, prosperity, and nachas. Rav Ashkenazi teaches that our chances of being sealed in the "Book of a Good Life" this Rosh Hashanah depend on how we judge others.
Rav Ashkenazi conducted an in-depth study of human relationships, focusing on individuals who had experienced significant changes in their personal and interpersonal dynamics. His research specifically examined cases where relationships had deteriorated or ended.
Through this study, Rav Ashkenazi discovered a common pattern among those who had "given up and broken off" their relationships. He found that these individuals often felt burnt out or rejected because they didn't receive something they had expected or asked for from the other person.
This insight highlights the role of unmet expectations in relationship breakdowns. It suggests that our disappointments in relationships are frequently rooted in our own expectations rather than solely in the actions of others.
Rav Ashkenazi's findings emphasize the importance of managing our expectations in relationships and practicing favorable judgment towards others. This approach aligns with the broader spiritual principle of judging others favorably, which, as the teaching suggests, can positively influence how we ourselves are judged by H'shem.
Chazal teaches us: "הדן חבירו לכף זכות, דנין אותו לזכות" -
"If one judges his friend favorably, H'shem will judge him favorably." (Shabbat 127b)
Parshat Shoftim commands us to appoint judges, using the singular "לך" rather than the plural "לכם", teaching us to judge ourselves and others favorably.
There are times to react and times to stay quiet, times to protect and times to forgive. The key to a "Happy New Year" and good relationships lies in our ability to look past others' faults and let go of our expectations.
Communication: Think before you speak, considering whether you're reacting with intelligence or emotion. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Self-Improvement: Let go of expectations for yourself, others, and the universe. See things as they are, not as you expect them to be. Remember: Expectations breed disappointment.
Enjoy relationships for what they are, not what you believe they should be.
Emuna, Bitachon, and Tefilah: Internalize that everything comes from H'shem. Use prayer to ask for wisdom to view the world this way, so that you may be judged and sealed in the "Book of Good Life."
Daily Reminders
- Recite 10 Perakim of Tehillim daily to finish twice by Rosh Hashanah (יא-כ)
- Recite Perek כז twice daily according to your minhag (לדוד ה' אורי וישעי)
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